I need a vacation!

Today is one of days where I wished I could start my life over. There will be so many things I would have done different.

I am so so so so so frustrated I could cry.

I am Miss no maternal instincts and no domestic skills but in the last 2 years I have been home bound looking after a brat that has been giving me a really hard time. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and everything would just go away. I know I am just angry right now saying things that I would probably regret later but..... I am so bloody angry right now.

That naughty girl of mine refuses to eat. The last 2 days has been a war zone during meal times. All I hear is "No NoNo No No No..." evertime the spoon goes near her mouth. Why oh why does this shit have to happen to me? Imagine spending all those time cooking so that the little brat does not have to eat baby food out of a jar or take out food.............and it is not appreciated. I know she is not feeling 100% at the moment with the runny nose and all........ but she still has to eat right!

All I can do each day is pray for strength and patience to carry on. Even the most simple of task is sometimes too difficult to carry out. Sometime I wish I could just crawl into a hole and cry.

Right now even as I am sitting here there is a brat screaming in the background for my attention, "mama... mama... mama...." Oh man where am I going to find the strength to carry on. I am exhausted! Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually broken.

Maybe if I had more help things would be different. I am like a single parent from Mondays through to Fridays. Unfortunately, the only help I will get is if I pay for it. So for the sake of my sanity I should spend like a shit of load of dough and hire a maid to take over everything that I do around the house. But that will give me a whole new set of problems. We don't have the space to accommodate another person. I don't have the time to train someone to do the chores and I don't have the psychic energy to deal with another person. Having a maid is like having another child, you are responsible for the well being of this person and most importantly your well intentions may not be appreciated. Pretty much just like a child! So after careful considerations I think one brat in the house is more than enough.

I think I need a holiday! But I would settle for a couple hours alone, if that is not too much to ask.