poo.pee.tantrums.tears.laughter.going insane.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

End of care free days.....

As my time as a stay home mum comes to and end, I am really starting to cherish every moment that I spend with Letitia. I can't help but think what's going to happen to our igloo tent home that we built in the middle of our living room. Is it going to be forgotten? Is it going to be abandoned and turn icy cold because all its occupants have gone away?

What's going to happen to all the fun we have playing dress up with my wigs? Is she going to remember? Will she forget? In the near future when I am at work and frustrated with things I know that I will miss my precious baby and how good she looks in that Afro wig.

How about times we spend staking furniture on top of each other and running around the house with rubber gum boots on?

My life will never be the same without fake pizzas and plastic cakes.

Spraying the corridor wet with a water gun and annoying the neighbours with our laughters, squeals and screams.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

I found me self a job

After 3 years at home I finally found myself a job and I will be going back to work . However, I am more afraid than excited. I am afraid that after 3 years at home away from the world I would have lost touch with the real world. Will I know what's going on? How will my colleagues treat me? Am I going to fit into my new work environment? What if I don't perform? Oh questions and more questions. As I plunge into the unknown the biggest question I have been asking myself is WILL LETITIA BE ABLE TO ADAPT TO CHILDCARE?

I will be removing her from the comforts of her home, where she can play with her toys without having to share and fight with others. A place where she is familiar and safe. Where she can nap on her own comfy bed and watch all the tele that she wants. She will be going to a childcare centre and will have to spend most of her waking hours there. She will be going to the largest child care centre in Singapore. They currently have 210 students enrolled there. With 15 class rooms over 2 levels. Is my baby going to survive? Is she going to be happy?

I am guilt stricken and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I am in a dilemma. Torn between regaining my sanity and staying home with my child. I lie awake a night thinking what if she feels abandoned or what if she doesn't like childcare? Will she be getting the same level of care, nutrition, love and attention she is so used too? Questions and more questions....

By going back to work, our entire domestic situation is going to be chaotic. We are going to have to buy another car. It is not going to be possible for me to take public transportation with a 27 months old child at 7 in the morning. As the childcare centre is located within my work premises she is going to come along with me when I go to work. We will probably need to hire a domestic helper to do all the chores at home and to make dinner every night. I really doubt that I will have the energy to wash, clean and cook after a day's work. The uncertainty and the change that I am going put the family through is enormous. All I can do is hope that the sacrifices that I am about to make by going back to work is going to worth the effort and trauma that it is going to cause to everyone.

So as I embark on the next phase of my life, I realise that every decision that I make affects my precious child and I pray for wisdom and strength to do the right thing. This is a mammoth task for the entire family, we have to change the way we do everything. I can only keep my fingers crossed that this is the right decision.