Life is a Pie

As a dear friend so appropriately phrased it my "sojourn to seek the meaning of her existence" has ended and I am now back in reality. I didn't find the answer to the meaning of my existence but I manage to see the world from other people's eyes and through them I also see myself.

As I went about the last 4 days I realised that I so missed the mobility and the amount of things I can accomplish in such a short amount of time. At the same time I was constantly worrying about things at home. One thing that put everything into perspective for me was what the foot reflexologist said to me. " I wish I had children when I was younger, I am really lonely now, but what can I do......it was a decision I made not to have children and I am paying the price now." as I walked away I couldn't help think about what she had said. She is so right! It's a decision that you make. Whether to have or not to have children and since I have decided to have children I will have to learn that no matter what I did nothing is going to change the fact that I will forever be defined as a Mother. It will always be a part of my identity and it doesn't mean that it should be my only identity.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing because being too selfless can sometimes backfire. How true! This was what a friend said to me over the phone. And all off a sudden all the guilt I felt for leaving my children and husband behind disappeared. I mean I wasn't running away from home for good neither am I endangering their life's by taking a 4 day break. Hack why should I feel bad about wanting to spend time alone. Time to roam the streets, watch a movie, have wine with friends and have things done when I want it to be done.

I may never find the answers I am looking for but at the end of the day I have a loving husband that adores me, 2 beautiful children and a bunch of really great friends that has been with me almost all my life. As my better half would say "there is technically nothing wrong with your life" and he is right. But there isn't a need for reasons or rationale or justification for the way I feel.

To me life is a pie, some people are sweet cherry pies, cinnamon apple pie, some are savoury chicken pies or shepherds pie. Some people's pies are cut in quarters, some are cut into 8 slices and some are uncut. The more you cut your pie the more richly complex your life will be, not necessarily better though. With each slice you share a part of you with someone else and in return you become a part of someones pie. Sometimes you have slices missing from your pie cos someone ate a slice and you never got it replaced......other have evenly cut pies while some have strangely cut pies.........hmmm....little simplistic but you get my drift.....

So what pie am I????