Fatigue

Okay after 20 days of single parenting the fatigue is starting to set in.
But I must say I am getting better at this single parenting thing.
Usually I would have felt like this by the end of the first week.
This time round I survived 3 weeks before feeling like crap.
And to top it off Letitia was sick for almost the entire time.
I had zero support, my mother was in Tibet. I couldn't even off load her for a couple hours.

I am officially exhuasted!

2 more weeks................................BOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Plane Rides are fun!!

We made there and back. We picked up a couple of viruses along the way too. Letitia is coughing again. We spent the first day home in the Paediatrician's office. Came home with a huge bag of antibiotics and cough syrup.

The plane ride there was fun for Letitia though, she thoroughly enjoyed herself.

Here's a preview of what went on the first 10 minutes. The plane was still on the ground we haven't even taken off yet!

Letitia : Aunty, on TV? (pointing to the screen)
Stewardess No.1 : Not now my dear you have to wait.

Letitia : Aunty, ear phones?
2nd Stewardess No.2 : Not now dear you have to wait.

Letitia : Aunty, toys?
Stewardess No.1 : Ok, I will be back. (Comes back with a Dora soft toy)
Letitia : No back pack?
Stewardess No.1 : Sorry no back pack.

Letitia : Aunty, apple juice?
Stewardess No.2 : Ok, here you go.
Letitia : Thanks.

Letitia : Pressed the call button.
Stewardess No.2 : You pressed the call button mdm?
Me : No. (looking up at the illuminated call button) Sorry it was Letitia.
Me : Letitia don't press the "MAN" ok.
Letitia : I want on light. (turn on and off the lights about 50 times, thought I was in a disco)

Letitia : I want to watch Dora!
Me : Ok! in about 10 minutes ok!
Letitia : Me go walk!
Me : No, you can't go for a walk now. People are trying to get on the plane.
Letitia : Me stand up? See baby? (there was a baby sitting behind us)
Me: Ok.

I really pitied the Ang Moh that sat next to Letitia. Not only was he squashed up in the window seat, he had to put up with her non stop talking for about 2 hours. This trip Letitia learnt how to Sawadee Kaa with her hands. It's hilarious. Even though we spent 2 whole days staring at the 4 walls of the hotel room cos she was sick it was still a great holiday.

Flying Solo

My child is suffering from mild depression. She misses her Daddy so much she is starting to have nightmares. So I am doing what most mothers would do......I will be taking her to see her Papa in a couple of days time.

I will be flying my baby and me a couple of thousand kilometers to see her daddy. I am actually quite nervous as this will be my first solo flight with a 2 year old child. The last couple of times that we travelled there were always 3 or 4 other adults around. I really hope that I will manage to get there without the entire cabin giving me stares of hatred.

I picked an evening flight so she would have had her nap and eaten dinner. Hopefully she will be less cranky and more co-operative. Her papa will be there to pick us up at the airport. So i just need to get to the airport from home, clear immigration, survive the flight, clear immigration again and retrieve our luggage. Not forgetting that I will need to do all these with a 2 year old child, a stroller and a diaper bag the size of Africa. I was thinking how the hell I am going to manage because I have only 2 hands. I guess I will have to figure it out without losing anything or anyone along the way.

I pray for good weather so that I have two less things to worry about, an umbrella and bumpy plane rides. I pray for good health and strong stomachs against foreign viruses and germs. I pray for strength to go on this journey and return safely home.

Hi-5 Circus Stage Show concert

The stage all set for a our first concert together.
We bought the $50 tickets,
can you imagine the $90 and $70 tickets were sold out!






A sick Letitia with her over priced binking blopper head band thingy. That made in china plastic thing cost us $15.







Still not quite sure what is going on Letitia about to fall asleep from cough syrup. Seen here with mummy and Jup jup. You don't want to know how much Jup Jup cost.







YEAH! Finally, the show started!








A very excited Letitia singing and dancing to the show.
Clapping and jumping, suddenly she is no longer tired and sleepy.









Oh! Fairy wings! She made her father go buy her these during the show. Cos all the little girls were wearing a pair. I am not even going to start about the how over priced the memorabilia are. Very over priced.

Elephants and Rainbows

Letitia is obessed with rainbows and elephants! She sees rainbows in every thing. It's amazing where you can find rainbows and sometimes it takes a 2 year child to point out to you that there are rainbows everywhere. You just have to look. Maybe we will all find a pot of gold that the end of our rainbow.

Some examples of rainbows:

Multi coloured layered kueh - "See mama, rainbow! Mmmm yummy, me eat rainbow"

Sriped t-shirt -"Oh mama wear rainbow."

Playdoh -"Look, me make rainbow. Mix about 7 different colours into a ball and pinch into little pieces."

Yesterday morning, two floors up someone was drilling a hole in their wall and was giving me a massive headache. But my 2 year old ran up to me and said," Mama, elelphant?" Haha it was hilarious. She was right it did sound like an elephant. She ran off and came back with her binoculars round her neck trying to find the elephant. We took her to the zoo today to see the Elelphants of Asia Show. Off course she brought her binoculars along, how could she forget! She was going to elephant's house!

2 Birthdays, 1 food poisoning, 1 broken butt and 4 visits to the doctor

I went to hell and back this week. Hell is far from over though.

I survived 2 birthdays. Hubby Dave's 33rd Birthday and my pap's 62nd birthday with minor glitches here and there. They include 1 MRT and 2 cab rides to get birthday cake with a 2 year child in tow. By myself, me and I and alone. Surprised the cake made it. Suffered from food poisoning, had to be the damn oysters that I ate. Puked till I turned green in the face and needed a jab in the buttock to clear it. Mind you still tending to my 2 year all by myself. She was pretty much left to her own devices with the television as a babysitter as I rolled around all day in pain. I probably made the YUCKiest lunch ever which Letitia refuses to eat. Anyway that's in the past.....

As for the broken butt.......Letitia got so constipated she actually had blood in her stools. I freaked out panicked and off to the doctor I went. Standing in the raining on a Friday evening with a 17kg child trying to get a taxi to mend her bleeding butt. Yes all alone by myself and me and I.

Somewhere between the birthdays and the poisoning and the bleeding stools. Ye ye ye amidst all the very exciting things happening in my life. Letitia caught a really bad cough. Needless to say I haven't slept a wink in about 3 days. She seems to cough only at night. 1.30am and 4.30am are the 2 magic times that she will go into coughing fits. You guessed it we went to the doctor's twice because of this coughing episode and still she is coughing. As if things aren't bad enough she had a fall too, must be too drugged out and kinda lost her balance so now I have one more thing to add to the list. 2 BLEEDING KNEES!

Off course I am having a tension headache from all that has happened.

Bad Bad People

There are nice people and there are NOT nice people. Let's just say I am about to become related to some people who are not nice.

Arrogant, obnoxious, rude, plastic and full of themselves! Not to mention full of crap! These cheap skates are out to take my family for a ride and there's nothing I can do about it!

I have never ever seem more annoying human beings in my life! And now there is a an entire family of them. Old to young, females and males, educated and uneducated! ALL IDIOTS!

I am upset, my mother is upset... hell even my hubby is upset! Even my baby won't stop crying at the sight of them. She buried her face in my chest! Seemingly wiser than all off us from the onset. She KNEW what conniving people we were with!

Here's why:

Oh the attitude with which they speak! Hello we don't owe you crap! So cut the attitude!
Oh the it's my way and my way only! Hello who do you think you are! Empress Dowager!
Oh the there is no room for negotiation because I am doing you a favour condescending tone of voice! Hello! Why don't you take your fat butt and stuff it!

The lack of politically correctness and the lack of PR skills was appalling. There was enough antagonistic feelings to cause a spontaneous combustion. Let's just say I wish her head would just blow off her fat neck right this instance!

I just hope that I don't have see them again in the near future. Cos this time I may not be able to control myself and slap that old hag silly. Hell I don't even know if I should post this........ but I have too. Who cares about repurcussions when they have already left with nothing but a bad taste in our mouths!

Wedding Bells

My baby sister is getting married in a couple of months time. I am really happy that she found someone that she loves. I wish her nothing but the best in her new marital life. Hope that she will find the same safety, security, companionship, respect, care, joy and love like I did.

From the bottom of my heart I wish that as she embarks on this journey of marital life she will discover that it is a blessing to have someone by her side. I am not going to get all philosophical!

What I really want to say is "Thank Goodness, she is finally getting married!" and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will change her mind soon about NOT having children. (obviously for selfish reasons: I dun wan her coming over everyday when she is 65 to play with my grandchildren cos she is bored witless)

Looking forward to getting a really big Ang Bao from your husband on your wedding day....... I will personally guard the keys to door so make sure he brings lots of dough if he wants to get in. This is for making me wake up sooooooo early in the morning. Who in the world gets married at 6am?

Congratulations!

MAIL TIME

Our local postman, oopss, sorry post lady. She is one sassy lady. She doesn't deliver our mail on a bicycle, not on a tricycle, nope not on a scooter. She delivers our mail in a car that she drives from car park to car park. Every afternoon I will see her sorting out our mail in the boot of her car with a cigarette in her hand.

I can't help but think........She must be very bored.......Sure got nothing else better to do that is why she is delivering mail. Why else would this woman dressed in skin tight Levis jeans and drives a Toyota be doing this?

I suddenly realise that I need a life. I am actually stalking the post lady! Okay not really stalking her, but every time I see her I just can't help but look and observe and wonder what her life is like. She is probably the MOST interesting character in our neighbourhood. Talk about pathetic! So pathetic! Really time to get some action back into my life!

End of care free days.....

As my time as a stay home mum comes to and end, I am really starting to cherish every moment that I spend with Letitia. I can't help but think what's going to happen to our igloo tent home that we built in the middle of our living room. Is it going to be forgotten? Is it going to be abandoned and turn icy cold because all its occupants have gone away?




What's going to happen to all the fun we have playing dress up with my wigs? Is she going to remember? Will she forget? In the near future when I am at work and frustrated with things I know that I will miss my precious baby and how good she looks in that Afro wig.






How about times we spend staking furniture on top of each other and running around the house with rubber gum boots on?

My life will never be the same without fake pizzas and plastic cakes.

Spraying the corridor wet with a water gun and annoying the neighbours with our laughters, squeals and screams.

I found me self a job

After 3 years at home I finally found myself a job and I will be going back to work . However, I am more afraid than excited. I am afraid that after 3 years at home away from the world I would have lost touch with the real world. Will I know what's going on? How will my colleagues treat me? Am I going to fit into my new work environment? What if I don't perform? Oh questions and more questions. As I plunge into the unknown the biggest question I have been asking myself is WILL LETITIA BE ABLE TO ADAPT TO CHILDCARE?

I will be removing her from the comforts of her home, where she can play with her toys without having to share and fight with others. A place where she is familiar and safe. Where she can nap on her own comfy bed and watch all the tele that she wants. She will be going to a childcare centre and will have to spend most of her waking hours there. She will be going to the largest child care centre in Singapore. They currently have 210 students enrolled there. With 15 class rooms over 2 levels. Is my baby going to survive? Is she going to be happy?

I am guilt stricken and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I am in a dilemma. Torn between regaining my sanity and staying home with my child. I lie awake a night thinking what if she feels abandoned or what if she doesn't like childcare? Will she be getting the same level of care, nutrition, love and attention she is so used too? Questions and more questions....

By going back to work, our entire domestic situation is going to be chaotic. We are going to have to buy another car. It is not going to be possible for me to take public transportation with a 27 months old child at 7 in the morning. As the childcare centre is located within my work premises she is going to come along with me when I go to work. We will probably need to hire a domestic helper to do all the chores at home and to make dinner every night. I really doubt that I will have the energy to wash, clean and cook after a day's work. The uncertainty and the change that I am going put the family through is enormous. All I can do is hope that the sacrifices that I am about to make by going back to work is going to worth the effort and trauma that it is going to cause to everyone.

So as I embark on the next phase of my life, I realise that every decision that I make affects my precious child and I pray for wisdom and strength to do the right thing. This is a mammoth task for the entire family, we have to change the way we do everything. I can only keep my fingers crossed that this is the right decision.

You can do it!

I have a friend who just gave birth to twins. Identical baby girls. She has all the support that a new mother would die for. She lives with her mother. Has a live in domestic helper that cooks, washes and cleans. On top of that she has a nanny that takes care of her twin girls 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Okay! Her husband works in some central Asian central (I not sure which one, I think its the Borat one) and only return once every 3 months. But all the support that she has sure makes up for the lack of a husband! All she needs to do is produce milk and feed her babies.

Here's the problem! She has been whining for the last 6 weeks since she popped that she doesn't have milk! Oh dear! But is there really such a thing as no milk! I do understand where she is coming from she does have 2 babies to feed instead of one.

So my dear hang in there! You can do it! Demand equals supply so you have to persevere. Wish you best of luck and success!

I want my body back!

I went bikini shopping over the weekend and to my horror! My post baby body looks like CRAP! YA! Off course it doesn't help that I am in my mid thirties. I am starting to lose the fight against gravity. I am not producing enough collagen and gone with the wind is my elasticity.

As I stood in the fitting room, staring at my over hanging belly. I wanted to cry! That was before I turned around and saw my OVER HANGING BUTT CHEEKS! Yeeeaaakkkss................ What happened to my perky little bums! I have 2 saggy pieces of meat covered in stretch marks.

I want my old body back! The one that I flaunted in the tiniest of bathing suits, the one that I had about a decade ago. The one that is not covered stretch marks and the one that defies gravity.

Anyway I bought the bikini hoping that I will one day be able to pluck up enough courage to wear it. I did wear it though......under my t-shirt..... and I sat on the bench while Letitia and Dave were splashing around in the pool.

Boo Hoo.......

However.... all is not lost. Over the weekend I saw that many women out there also put their own insecurities aside and were having a good time. So maybe next week I will take the plunge and show the rest of the world my BODY.

Single parenting

Entering third week of sleep deprivation.
Having perpetual headache.
Eye bags are the size of Africa.
Never seen darker dark eye circles.
Shoulder has frozen up and neck is stiff.

Foul mood swings.
Raging tempers.
In fact I feel menopausal.
Hardly have energy to breathe.
Can't even have a conversation without yelling.

So tired going to collapse and die from exhaustion.
Hope I don't pass out.
Haven't sleep for more more than 3 hours a night for the last 3 weeks.
All alone.
Can't take much more.
Six more days.

NEED TO SLEEP!

Defiance

Sunday
Grandpa and Grandma: Looking Letitia. We bought you something.
Letitia: Toys!

5 minutes later

Letitia: Walk walk. Outside.
Grandma: Okay, let's go for a walk.
Grandma: Stop running you will fall. Hold my hand.

Letitia covers both ears with her hands, glares at my mother with the corner of her eyes.

Grandma: I buy you toys and take you out for walk. How can you be so rude. I am really sad.
Letitia: NO! GONG GONG PAY! (grandpa paid for the toys not you)

Grandma defeated! Letitia comes running home. "Mummy! Bao Bao!"

My Letitia is back. Back with a vengence!

Monday
Mummy carrying 4 bags of groceries. Panting. Screaming,"Let's go Letitia! The bags are heavy and I can't carry you right now."

Letitia," NO! Bao Bao!"

10 minutes later still standing in the carpark.

Mummy: Letitia let's go. I am leaving with or without you.

Using the bags of groceries I had to push her from behind. With every nudge she walked ONE step. Tears flowings and yelling.

15 minutes later. Finally home. Took me 25 minutes to get from the car to my door.

Where is Papa?

What do you tell a 2 year old child when she asks where her Papa is? How do you make her understand that he will be gone for the next half a month.

She must have asked me a million times where her Papa is since he left for France last night.

Here is my answer to her:

"Papa has gone to work."
"On a plane plane."
"To a far far away place."
"He will be back in soon."

And her responses will always be, " Papa where? Papa sleeping?"

Birthday Wish

Today is my birthday and I do not wish for diamonds or gold. Instead I wish that my child would recover and go back to her normal happy chirpy self. She has been sick for the last 5 days. Fevers that run continuously at 39.8 degrees C, hacking coughs through the night on the hour, congested nasal passages and 2 molars erupting at the back of her mouth.

She has been on a liquid diet for the last 5 days, because her gums hurt. She refuses to drink any milk that is warm because it causes pain.

I would give anything in the world for her to recover this instant minute so that she doesn't have to suffer the way she is suffering right now.

3 nights in Bangkok and 3 nights of misery

22 May 2007
I send Letitia to my parents' home spend a couple of hours with her and got my mother to settle her down for bed. Hubby and I sneaked out to Jalan Kayu for a Teh Tarik and decided that we should go back and check on Letitia before we headed home.

Got home at almost midnight. Couldn't sleep all night. Thinking about my baby.

23 May 2007
Felt like crap. Didn't sleep a wink last night. Got to the budget terminal. CULTURE shock. No not the simplicity of the decor and the lack of shopping. The among of strange people you find in a budget terminal is just shocking. You have bus loads of loud Chinese tourist taking pictures of the runway. Vietnamese brides on their way home accompanied by their not so young husbands. Young really young people in their teens.....wearing shorts, slippers and carrying pillows on board. Honeymooners travelling for the first time together. And off course cheapos......

Arrived in Bangkok. Bloody cab driver took us for a ride. What a great start to my vacation. We were starving so we headed to MK for lunch. After lunch I saw a treat that I couldn't resist, even though I knew that I would probably fall sick from indigestion after eating it. I swallowed one plate of Mango sticky rice. True enough... I had indigestion. My stomach doesn't seem to be able to handle glutinous rice but its just too delicious. So eat first deal with the pain later.

Did the usual MBK walk. But the best bargains of the day was found in Tesco! Yes! The British chain store. They have a branch about 5 mins walk from National stadium BTS stadium. They sell really cheap and decent quality children's' apparel and foot wear. I spent about 1500baht which is about $50 sgd on 2 dresses, a pair of pants, 2 tops and a pair of slip-ons for Letitia. HAPPY!

24 May 2007
Buffet breakfast. OH how I hate them! So much yummy food around. I must have stuffed my face silly cos I felt like a cow after breakfast. Ate about 3 times more than I should have. By the way I cried at breakfast today, cos I called Letitia, I just broke down at the sound of her voice. "Hi! Mummy!" BOOO HOOO..................ridiculous. About 50 stared at me!!!!

36 degrees outside.......Walked from Pathumwan Princess to Siam Discovery Centre, to Siam Center, to Siam Paragon, to Central world, to Big C.......Dying....Decided that we needed to have a session of foot reflexology. Just as I was drifting off into lala land and enjoying my 280 baht massage, a group of about 30 Hong Kongers blasted into the parlour and turned it into a fish market......Crap.....the massage was good but I think the woman was a bit too strong. BECAUSE I HAD BRUISES at the back of right calf and its still there NOW!

Next stop Platinum Mall. Its like Argyle Centre in Hong Kong just more spacious. But they pretty much sell cheap women's clothing. But I got adventurous and decided to trade my perfectly manicured french nails for a machine printed nail art. COST 99 baht. WILL NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. looks like crap and takes forever.

Hubby disappeared and went to Pantip Mall. I waited.......

I had the best tasting Korean food for dinner. The Korean restaurant in the hotel that we were staying is supposedly to the best in Bangkok. I don't know much about Korean food but it was sure yummy. The appetisers were so delicious. I ate nothing but appetisers all night long. Oh....It was a buffet.

25 May 2007
Buffet Breakfast again! I don't know how much of this buffet thingy I can take. I was still trying to digest dinner from last night.

Today was phone hunting day. Today was also gastritis day. The tom yam goong and assam fish and chili padi has finally gotten the better of me. I was in pain..........DAMN ACUTE PAIN.

26 May2007
GLAD to be home. BUT...HA.....knowing my ass luck. Letitia got bitten by mossies while she was at my parents. One on her butt check and 2 on her legs. The one on her butt was so inflamed and red her right buttock was significantly bigger than the left. The ones on the legs..............HA..............had become inflamed and blistered. There was a bubble that was the size of pea sticking out of the bite.

That night she decided to give me a welcome home present by vomiting in bed. Milk 240ml and dinner all came out undigested and warm. 2 hours later and Letitia is asleep. I am in the toilet washing bedsheets and blankets. I passed out that night.

27 May 2007
FEVER! 39.6 degrees. Letitia woke with a raging fever. Nothing I did could bring the temperature down. I did everything. DID NOT SLEEP!

28 May 2007
Still having fever! Tantrum! Whine! Cry! Refuses to do anything. Wants to be carried. Everything must be done her way.

29 May 2007
Fever finally gone. What caused the fever? WHO KNOWS! Hopefully I will finally get some sleep tonight. I think its her way of punishing me for leaving her behind and going on a holiday.

Kitchen Pass

For the first time in almost 2 years I am going on a vacation without my daughter. The thought of flying away for 4 days excites me and at the same time saddens me. As much a I really need a break from it all. I can't help feel that I am a such a horrible mother. I am actually leaving my helpless child that is so dependent on me. Leaving her Alone for 4 whole days to fend for herself in her grandparents 3 storey "castle"! Where she can knock herself out climbing the stairs, run after my parents dog, eat all the rubbish that I won't let her eat and not to mention be spoilt rotten with treats and toys that my parents will probably buy for her.

Okay, I am ridiculous. But the last time I was away from her I cried! I cried the entire journey from Singapore to London. I cried every night for 2 whole weeks. I called my mother 3 times a day just to check on her. Not much of a vacation of you ask me. But that was almost 2 years ago, when she was just 6 months old. She didn't really know what was going on.

I hope I survive my Bangkok holiday without shedding a tear. I know that she will be well taken care off and that she will probably be fine for 4 days. But it's such a sad thing for a 2 year old child to find her mummy gone. It is going to be so heart wrenching for her at bed time when her mama is not not around to tuck her into bed and hold her little hands till she falls asleep.

But wait a minute......I remember a couple of weeks ago when we were in Hong Kong, she refused to come back to our room. She spent every night sleeping with her grandparents.

I am sure she is going to have a blast. I just hope that I have a blast too. So I am going to try and enjoy my 4 days kitchen pass because it only comes once every 2 years.

Under the weather

I have been feeling a little under the weather the last couple of days. My nose is running and I sprained my shoulder. Not going to dwell on how I sprained my shoulder but you can bet that it was because of a little girl called Letitia.

Today she gave me a really hard time. She fell from the sofa twice today. The first time she rolled off the sofa and landed on the back of her head.

The second time she winded herself because she fell flat on her tummy. The horrible thing is she doesn't seem to remember the pain she felt after about 2 minutes and she jumping on the sofa again.

During dinner she was playing with a toy mobile phone. She was swinging the thing around it landed right into her pumpkin porridge. Oh man! I lost it.

I am still having heart palpitations at the moment.......and what is she doing. She is colouring!